The Many Faces of Pain - Part 2

With all the pain in my back listed above, and the toll it has taken on me, this pain is still not the worst face of pain in my life. The worse face of pain is that it took years for me to educate my own family about this pain. I am still not sure, as I write this, that my family truly understands how devastating this pain is. This pain has practically robbed me of my life. It has robbed me of being “me”. I am no longer the vibrant, animated, robust, A-type person who loved life. This pain has reduced me to scheduling my days and time, and when the pain is so severe, it forces me to bed. I have become isolated, left alone, a recluse, and have become unsocial. This pain has made my blood pressure rise so that I had to go on medications. This pain has wreaked havoc on my marriage and my ability to be a good wife and stand by my husband’s side. More than ever I know what it is to believe in the marriage vows….in sickness and health…richer or poorer…better or worse. I am sorry my husband has been left with a shell of the real Mary. However with that said, if this was reversed…I would be right there by his side.

As a minister’s wife, oh my gosh, the ugly things that have been said about me, and I am quoting,

• She is not hurting

• She has no back pain

• She does not support her husband

• She never goes out and supports her husband – he has to be there all by himself

• What kind of wife is she that she cannot support her husband in anything he does?

• Wow, she cannot sit for 2 hours? Please!

• She is faking

• She wears high heels. There, it proves she has no back pain

• Her pain cannot be that bad…and on and on and on…

What the complainers do not get is that I have been by my husband’s side and traveled with the church for 21 years. The pain has been debilitating for the last 5 years of that time. Where were the naysayers when I was traveling with my husband? Another thing, sitting in church for two hours is a myth. My husband and I drive from our home in the morning, getting to church before anyone else, about 6-7 AM. There we turn the air on and do a myriad of other tasks. We pick up everyone who does not have a car and needs a ride (I did this myself until the last one year). After church, we then drop all these people back home. At times we clean the church, mop the floors, take the garbage out, etc. We do special trips for members, go see the sick, and make sure the church is locked. We get home anywhere from 5-8 PM, which is about 12 hours later from the time we left that morning. It has never been about sitting in church for 2 hours. My husband and I, at times, have had nothing to eat by this time. My day does not end there as I have to stand and cook dinner or get something for my husband and me to eat. This is all on me with this severe, debilitating back pain. Oh, but I forgot, NO ONE BELIEVES I have this pain. I just go to doctors and have them stick long-long needles in my spine and nerves because I have make-believe pain. Oh, by the way, each injection now costs upwards of $8,000.00. Please people - don’t talk about what you obviously have no knowledge or understanding about at all.